"i don't know... something amazing?!"

 

i LOVE that kid :)

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! (fireworks! explosions!)

 

like the kid in The Incredibles clip, i am waiting for something amazing to happen in 2010!  

 

during the first few days/weeks of the year, there's a tendency for people to throw around the question, "what is your new year's resolution?". i've decided this year that i don't really like new year's resolutions. i never follow through for more than a month, at the most. plus, a lot of my past resolutions were centered around vain things such as losing weight, and i ended the year feeling worse than when i started. (ya hear me?)

 

this year, im not interested in striving to become a perfect person over the course of a year. nor am i interested in going hard after something that can be more of a burden than a benefit.

 

NOW NOW. i am not saying that i am going to be laissez-faire or complacent about life. and im not saying that i won't exercise or try to be nicer or whatnot.

 

rather, i have a simple desire - to fall in love.

 

don't get your hopes up about this materializing into a post about a burgeoning relationship! im talking about falling deeper in love my Creator. and in doing that, cultivating an assurance about who i am. i want to build my character and my identity in the One who created me and knows me inside and out. who could be a better counselor?

 

2009 was a shaky year in the character-building department as i was faced with many changes in this new "season" of life. after graduating from college out in the Midwest, i moved back to live with family on the West Cost. it was definitely a challenging time of transition... socially, spatially, mentally, spiritually.

 

socially, i had to reconnect with old friends, get used to the fact that my friends weren't a short walk away but scattered all over the planet, and find other outlets of fellowship. friends all around me were getting married, pursuing careers, getting involved in world-traveling adventures, and all sorts of cool things. i would often feel envious of what others are doing, and restless because i felt that i could be doing so much more!

 

spatially, i lost so much independence moving back into my mom's house. at first, i didn't even have my own room to wind down in after work. i also commuted on a bus for a while, which ruled out alone time while driving.

 

mentally, i started worrying more than i ever had in my entire life! worrying about my younger sisters, about my mom's health, and finances, about friends, anything and everything. it felt like i had a 20-ton weight on my shoulders that i couldn't shrug off, and worry was an infection that wouldn't go away.

 

spiritually, i started out the year still operating out of the overflow of love God had poured out onto me over the previous year. but as the year progressed, i started finding myself in droughts and deserts from time to time. struggling to be joyful. struggling to be patient. peaceful.

 

2009 was a year in which i wrestled with life... but also experienced so much grace and mercy. 

 

this excerpt from Ephesians (2:1-5) speaks aloud to me:

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.

 

All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath .

 

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

hmmm "alive with Christ". thats good. even though life had its trials in 2009, there was sooo much goodness, too.

 

in Romans 12:1-2, Paul gives us a tip for how to understand that God's will/plans are good:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 

 

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

a holy life isn't one that is void of disheartening incidents or sinful mistakes. it is a life that, when faced with trials, acknowledges that it is only by God's mercy that we can live in goodness. it is a life that responds to his mercy by making a choice to renew the mind in the Word. it is a life that thrives and grows because through renewing, it starts to see that God's will is good, pleasing, and perfect. behind that mercy we need oh-so-much is LOVE.

 

i want to know this great Love deeper in my heart.

 

right now, i am so grateful for where i am at. YES - i still get frustrated about little things or day-dream about what the future holds. but somehow, i feel more steady in knowing that if nothing else, i am loved by a mighty God!

 

i want my heart to expand in true worship to God, not just out of obligation or performance. i want to become more compassionate for the things that burn on God's heart in this day and age. i want to have eyes to see and ears to hear truth amidst the noise of distractions and lies. i want more boldness to live in those truths that i know and more humility in knowing that i am only strong through God's grace.

 

character-building is a lifelong process - and a grand endeavor at that! but a truly worthy pursuit in knowing God... and in turn, getting to know oneself. Ephesians 2 goes on, with verses 6-9:

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus [gasp!], in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

 

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

sigh. i can feel it in the air and in my soul that amazing things are yet to come in 2010.

who knows? going deeper in knowing His love might reveal a love relationship on this side of eternity :)

Posted via email from Angie's posterous